Shoot me.

Seriously, Just. Shoot me. Right now. I have too much things to worry about and I am in the growing up age, I'm always getting out of control makes everyone around me sad and all that stuff. Why don't I just DIE already so then people can happy!!!! SO MUCH STRESS!! AP SCHOOL STUFF! SUMMER READING! STUFF! STUFF! STUFF! RELATIONSHIP! LIKE OH MY GOD I AM ABOUT TO HAVE MY ASTHMA ACTS UP LIKE RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT!!!!! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!


Seriously, I don't know anything at all how to express my feeling to others. I care about him, but why can't I show it in a right way? What should I do now? I just want him to keep on track on his summer stuff. It is really important! I don't know if he sees the importance of it just yet, but he will see. He always sees it at the last minutes. Now what can I do. I just want him not to get so stress when it's time. I just want him to have easier time to deal with stuff by making him get on track of stuff. If he does not care, I just... don't know what to do anymore. In AP, things go fast, you can't slack off in one single second. I don't know what to do, things around spins around. Now I can't even do my own summer stuff. It's just... I am all surrounded by confuusion. I am really confused. Like really...


Woah. I changed fast. I am not the girl that he used to love anymore. Instead of making him happy, I put too much pressure on him. Instead of telling him to relax and have fun, I keep making him do school works. Instead of laughing with his jokes, I was seriously make him do the right thing. LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?! I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODEEEE!!! I DON'T WANT THE NEW MEE!!!! I DO NOT WANT THE NEW ME AT ALL!!!

I used to denied the best opportunity of my life just for him... I did not go to the Upper bound, because I don't want to ruin our relationship.
I did not get a job even though there is one perfectly standing there and wait for me, just because I want to spend time with him.
I did not go and have fun with my family, just because I don't want him to be alone on webcam. I wanted to see him.
I did not talk and go out with my friends anymore. Because I wanted to talk and go out with him.
I did not go to Vietnam this year... even though I really wanted to.. Just because I want to be with him, beside him, support him no matter what, I need him. And I hope he will be needing me like I do... I love youu...

Those are nothing to me, I don't think it's even enough to sacrifice for love. I am always worrying about him. Now that we both got to AP classes. I want the best for both of us. But it seems like he does not want to do the work that much, now it is only summer, works are not that much yet, and he is already get lazy and mad when I tell him to work. What about the future? What am I going to do? My heart is dead every time I made him mad. There were never be this much confusion around me in my whole life. I really totally lost. I don't know what to do anymore...

Or maybe I do... a horrible thought.... but.. I might do it just for our love...

If he can't take it, I will drop out AP classes. I don't want the new me anymore. I want the old me, the one that he has always been loving. I want to have great time with him, not these stupid stress pressure moment. I want our laughs, our love, our real happy time together without getting mad at each other back. I can give up the challenge that I had always wanted to take, AP classes, for our love. I don't need challenges anymore. (Who needs challenges? WHy am I stupid enough to like getting challenges and all?)... (: It is okay, right? SMILE DON'T BE SAD YOU SILLY PANDA (: , he is the only one that is important. I can give up anything... just for him to be happy.

Woaw. right here, right now. I don't know what am I thinking anymore... I don't know anything anymore... People said I will have hard time in life in the future. Now I am already facing it... I can't stand strong anymore... I feel so weak... I don't know what to do...

Babee, I don't know how to let you know that you are the only one that I love, I don't know how to let you really understand it.. Babee I love you...





S E R I O U S L Y

S

H

O

O

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M



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!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is wonderful as the way it should be again (:

Lovely! Everything is just lovely! It is just like old times, babe and I finally understand how important are each individual to each other. I am so happy because I feel like I love him more than yesterday, but not enough for tomorrow (: Babe, you really made it. We finally get over those problems and now we are just great. I love you ong xaa. I feel so much younger since I don't have to worry about our weird problems anymore. I love you, just so much :3

Yesterday, I felt like I am actually your only wife since I put the rice and food for you into the lunch box so you can go home and eat it I don't want you to get hungry because I know you are my little lazy butt x). I just can't stop smiling. My life is so happy and awesome and wonderful and AMAZING to have you being with me. It is just the best thing happen to me in the world. EVER.

I can't wait to the future. By saying the "future", I also mean the next second, minutes, hours, years, centuries. I am going to love you more and more and moree until my heart has to explode by filled with love but it will never be exploded apart. Since my heart is to huge and I will never stop loving you.

LALALLALALLAA I am just so happy. It is so hot in the room right now (uhh kind of out of topic but ooh well xD)

JUST GET A NEW NEWS!! I MIGHT GET A JOB IN THE SUMMER TUTORING MY SISTER'S BOSS'S KID!! (: WOOOOT WOOOOOTT!! It is getting better and betterr!!

I LOVE YOU BABEE!! I LOVE MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT (:

Eh.

stuff happens.

It was me.. again....

I knew it was mee.. again.. as always.. I am always the one who hurts him and me and our love. Why do I have to be so stupid? Uhh..

Don't know what else to say. It was me, and I am stupid enough to make the same mistake over again. Why can't I show more love to him over the phone?...


Uhhh...

I am so stupid.

I feel dead.

~10:19 pm

May 3rd 2010. Happy Day (: ... and yet its sad, and stressful.

It was a busy time over the weekend since there was so many homeworks and Vina birthday and babe got grumbie. Well Daddie's bday was in May 1st. And yes I wanted to make him happy but I don't know how cause now I am a big girl, it is hard for me to show my feeling to my parents. But I do love daddie, and mommie, a lot. (:

Today was a reallllllly hot day ! But babe was so happy makes me happy for almost the whole day! Spending time with him is the greatest thing and sleep on his arms make me feel like the luckiest girl ever!! But yaa i still had to go home, and get home, and tears ran out.. Mom yelled at dad over stupid uncle and aunt's problem. For the first time around this year, seeing the tears in dad's eyes hurt me a lot. I really feel bad for him and wanna do something about it. But I'm just mee.. helpless and useless, I can't ever done anything that makes them happy. Weird.. but that's true.. I feel really sad.. Everyone has their own sad moment, so do I. My family is just.. powerless, other families based on their money and face and just doesn't bother to think about our feelings. I don't know and not sure if it is true, but it seems like it. And to me, that hurts. Dad doesn't think before he said something and he doesn't mean it when he said it. So it's not his fault for being so lousy and stuff. He's my dad, I respect him no matter what. And no one hurts his feeling. I said so, no one hurt his feeling. Or else they will have to pay a lot more. Yes I SAID so.

Haizzzzzzzzz so stressful over family's stuff. And now babe is being grumbie again. But I think it is not really the main reason, I know he is mad at me because I am too quiet and made it boring. Uhh I tried to be happy and make him happy but it is extremely difficult for me to be talkative when I was so sad and stressful.. Sorry babe, I guess I was wrong again. Now this also hurts me makes it a double hurtful things. My mind is tired by thinking too much. My heart hurts, physically and mentally. It is hard for me to breath, and I wanna cry. I wish you'd be there for me... Ong xa oi I really need you to be here with mee.. I really want to share with you my feeling.. I feel so sad and stress and hurt and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IM EXPLODING! I know crying is not the answer or to neither to help me feel better. But I can't do anything else and I can't stop myself. Everything is burn inside me and idk why it happened. Ong xaa oii, I'm sorry for being soo uhh stupid I guess? I love youuu. I don't want you to be unhappy or grumby. It makes everything turn out badly for me and I don't know it just hurts me a lot and I know it also hurts you. Babe I'm sorrryy. I lovee youuu. YRME..

Sad pandaa.
10:14 pm~

Apr 24 2010's Afternoon.

Yesterday was a happy day! Even though all night and in the morning yu were mad at me but after you got to my house. Everything is fine again. We love each other so much and everything he did make me sooo happy and I feel like the happiest person in the world. He is just the person who understands and loves me most in the world. I can not live with out him and that is just right. I think that I can't leave you for any second because even though we are on webcam, we are so weird to each others and it bugs me a lot I don't know what is my problem. It seems like on webcam, everything I do bothers you, makes you sad or feel weird. Uhh I just don't get why ong xaa, I just wanna make you happy like what you did to mee, but whyy can't I do itt?!! It's like for every now, we are mad and being weird at each other at least once, it really makes me feel so down and sad and I know that you feel the same way. I try to it, but I don't know what is the best idea. I am so tired of myself because I always making you sad and stuff, I wanna hit myself, so hard, so I can wake up and know the right solution to make you happy all the time. I'm just so stupid right babe?

I need you ong xa, I really do. You are my everything and I hope you know that. It's just I think now there are more complicated stuff that happened in our lives. My nosy family knows about us and keep getting on our way. Our summer jobs, our summer reading stuff, our A.P's classes, School works, ect. So many things that happened and something I don't even know what to do. To keep balance on all these things are not easy, but I'm always trying to make everything the best as I can. But the thing that I will never give up and will never lose to is our love! I make sure that nothing will interupt and hurt our relationship because babe, I really can't live without you..

Ong xa it is our relationship, we needa solve things out together, because that is how we build our love stronger, I believe in you and in our love babee!

I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
I PROMISE I WON'T MAKE YOU SAD ANYMORE! [WELL I WILL TRY THE BESTTT]
BABEEE YOU KNOW THAT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUUU!
SO JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU THINKK AND DON'T FEEL WEIRD ANYMOREEEEEE BABEEE
I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, I NEED YOUUU IN MY LIFE TO KEEPS ME LIVING !!

Wo ai nii :}

Happy 11 Months anniversary! I love you babe! & I also need you to trust me.. that is how I can keep moving on in life..

Happy 11 months! I am so happy and thankful for everything that we had done for each other. Without you, I wouldn't know and feel the real and true happiness. Without you, I wouldn't even know how to face complicated situations and I wouldn't believe in true love if there was no you. Babe, I really love you and you know it. I just cannot describe it and I hope it will last forever since I believe, and I hope you also believe in us too. It was a happy day with you coming over, I didn't go with your friends, but me. That really means a lot to me ong xa, like a lot. Because it would so lonely to spend anniversary of us on my own. Ong xaa, I always hope and hope and hope that we are going to be forever because I can't wait to our future. And I know it's a long way there. But I will never give up because sometime I make you sad, make you feel bad, I make myself tired because of me. But I still stand up and believe in out love because my heart is too strong and because you already really really took my heart away with you and I can't live without it. you really did. I don't know what you think about me every time I make you disappointed, I'm really sorry for all I did and I hope you will forgive me and will never give up, just like me.

Ong xa, I need you to trust me, even though I disappointed you many times already, but I promise I will fix my mistakes and I did and I will. I know you really worry about a lot, and I am too. But aren't you want me to be careful? Everytime I come back to you after a while not on the phone or on webcam with you, I really tell you the truth what happened. I told you that I'm hurt and I really hurt. I told that something went wrong when there's really some wrong thing. But there are also time that nothing happened to me and I am all good and I told you that, why don't you believe me? Am I suppose to come back and come up with something that caused by my clumpsiness? :{ Babe I promise you to be careful and I know I can't perfectly doing that all the time, but I try and I success sometimes. Right babe? I know you are really worry about me and what I told you hurt you :{ Im sorry ong xaa, I just really mean it and that was I really thinking and that was nothing happened, I was careful and nothing happened to me, I'm seriously telling the truth. And the truth makes you not talking to me anymore.. Why ong xa? Sometime I'm really lost of what I did and what makes you sad. I promised myself to always tell you the truth, and that will happen until forever. I know I am such a clumpsie and weird and crazy person but.. you told me to try to be careful and I did.. Why is it make you feel like I'm telling you lies?... Ong xaa, please believe in me.. I really need you to trust me ong xaa because I told you I will never lie to you ... Ong xa and I mean it..

Sometime it's hard to tell how I feel, babe everytime you are not talking to me anymore, I feel like ehh idk what am I going to do how am I going to fix it even though sometime I don't even know why what I did wrong to make you mad or sad. Babe it is really a very very very bad feeling.. I need you to be by my side and always trusting me just like what I always do to you. Babe I'm sorry for the moments that my mistakes make you so disappointed, but them all always done by accident and I always tryna fix it.. Ong xaa please don't ever give up and don't ever leave me a lone or not trusting meee. I really love you, I really need you. Babe you are the reason that keeping me alive.. sarangheyoo ong xa

Happy 11 Months, you are my everything ! Forever love
Apr 22 2010
7:42 pm

Yayy few more mins until our 11 months !! :D

Woooooooot I can't wait it's now 11:18 pm only couple minutes until the TWENTY-SECOND OF APRIL! I lovee youu ong xaa! I really have a fun day today going out with you. Even though there were complicated issue but we got over it together right? I also learned things that I should have done already just like keeping our old time up. I should of talk more and more just like before so that would never makes you feel this way. In the morning was horrible because I feel like I have no where else to go, it was so confused and I feel totally lost. I was so afraid, worry, scare, sad, feeling bad, and all that mixed feeling at the same time. I was really scared that you are going to leave me. I was so afraid that I am too boring to you. Babe you are so important to me that I cannot do anything without you. I love you a lot and f-o-r-e-v-e-r!

Sooooo happpy that all the sad things are over and I hope happy moment between us will last forever! It is almost 11 months, it was not easy for us to get through many problems in so many sides and perspectives. Just because we are strong! Our love is strong, nothing can defeat it, also means that nothing can separate us apart! EVER! Promise we are not going to be mad at each other over little things or no reason no more okay? I can do anything and will do everything to bring you happiness. I will get over myself of my stupid random mistakes or accidents that are going to hurt or make you feel weird. I will do everything babe, just for you <3

Love is the most precious thing in the world that everyone has to respect once they get a chance to have it. And I am the luckiest girl ever to fall in love with you and to have you in my life. I am so thankful. I'm not asking for more but this is more than enough. My life is perfect when I have you, everything is all set. It is all perfect. Thank god <3.

Babe, please don't ever give up, I believe our love is going to last forever! I already planned up everything in our future so we can't just pop the our bubble dream~.

Okaayyyss there's more to say but nothing in mind right now because I am so excited for tomorrow! You are not going to the birthday party but going over with me!! Sooo happppyy and that was I hoped for even though I want you to have fun with your friends. I love you babee!! <333 Tomorrow's blog will be longer than this because now I am going to ready for our anni!!

Niittteeesss!!!!!!!!!! :D

TICK TOC TICK TOC!

~Apr 21 10
11:32 pm~

Never stop trying (:

Time pass by so fast. It is almost our 11 months together and I cannot describe how greatful I am at this moment. I'm just so happy to have him in my life. Thinking back the day I just met you and loving you secretly, it was also a happy time just to see you smile everyday and keep hoping that I can be the lucky girl that you are going to notice. And my wish came true. Its like the first time my dream actually comes true. It comes exactly how it happened in my dream. I am just so happy...
I love you, I love you more everyday. Tomorrow, I will be loving you more than yesterday. It is never stop and the reason is I cannot live without you. But it is true that there is no reason at all once you loving someone more than your own life. It is like your destiny, that someone was send to your life and make a big impact on everything.
Yes, my life has changed once I met him, I understand what is the real happiness. I know it is not going to make my parents happy, but I had been living and growing up for them, I had been doing whatever they told me to do just to make them happy and just to not disappointed them. Everything single thing, I had been a good girl in everyone's eyes and all the people look at me and said that I am a happy little princess. No one knows how I was feeling inside. It is funny how I was so much better of faking that I am fully a happy person when i was little. Maybe because for now, I understand more of what is happening in my life. I started getting some knowledge of finding something that has been missing in my life. It is my own happiness. Yes, I have everything in this house, in this family, I am a much luckier kid than others in the whole world. I am very lucky, I admit that. But, that doesn't mean that I have to stop myself from looking for the missing piece of my life. Everyone has feeling, so why does people trying to stop me from loving the one that is important to me the most? I cannot stop it, I was born like everyone else, they all are growing up, they have different feelings and different purpose and perspectives in their own lives. Me too, I have my own ways to look at lives and I KNOW how to live it. I really wish everyone in the family would understand for me. It is just, I want my own happiness, I cannot living without my heart... Someone there is so much pressure in this family. Because I know they will never understand. I really did not know what to do. But I will have to stand strong and be happy with what I have. Since I did never give up and I will never give it up. It is my happiness, I have to keep it and to make it perfect. Half of it is on my hand and I will never let it go. Half of it is on his hand, and hope he does not let it go either. I believe in us. I love you.
It is almost 11 months. there are so many things that we had been through, good and bad, happy and sad, all that mixed feelings. I'd never think to let it go once, even though I was really afraid that you are going to leave me alone. It is tough for me to handle many things from the family side and all their rumors and stupid conversation from people that has nothing to do with us. I was always trying to do the best to make you happy. It is killing me something you are sad, mad or feeling weird because of some stupid things I did, because it feels like all the hard work I did to make you happy are canceled. I really feel bad and dont know what to do when you feel weird. Babe I love you a lot. I also a clumpsie and lousy person that easy to make a lot of mistakes, Im trying to fix it, but babe please be patient and give me time to be a better person, don't be mad or feeling weird a lot anymore. I really want us to have happy time together. I have dream up and thinking and planning our future, It is so perfect and I will not let anything or anyone popping that dream. Babe I know we both trying to make it happen, I know, that is why I love you. We both had been trying a lot to give each other the best time. I love you ong xaa oii. Sometime Im really sad because you are sad or mad or feeling weird. Sometime I did not even know what to do.. But just think about you, about our love, about what we had been though together, about our plans, our futures, I suddenly not letting myself down but continue on the work of making you happy! Because that is the only thing that makes me happy. Now I am growing up, I also need to responsible for my family part and not keeping up our love until the end of the world! It's tough! But I can do it! We both can do it! I am a bit weird around these time because I get too emotional and take things more serious like you do. I am sorry that bothers you babee, I will fix it, I know it is easy to say, but as long as I try the best, sooner or later I can do it! Ong xa please don't be mad no more if you reading this. I really love you, I really do. You are just my everything, babe both of us are trying to protect our love, so let's keep trying. We can do it together. You know that I love you, I really do... It is just a fact of my life, without you, my life also be destroyed..

Apr 20 2010 ~ 11:02 PM

iwtdsb.

It is funny how I just want to die so bad even though I do not want to. It is just the worst feeling ever that everything is unexplained and even though it did, things still turn bad. Everything is against me now. I know I did wrong, but I know it and I'm trying to fix it with the best, so why I am still have this feeling and face with my punishments without anyone knowing that I'm tryna fix it. I know what I did was horrible, I know I know. I know I was too stupid and stupid. But I don't know, I feel like I have nothing left at this time, nothing. So what is the need for me to be living? What should I do to make him understand, it is just a little but of mistake that I did again without knowing because I was just too sleepy and couldn't answer you. Babe I swear I did not mean to, I swear. But it is helpless now, no one is here to listen to my explanation. It is even harder than what I thought it was to face everything by myself without you. It is so hard. I dont know, only the fact that YOU ARE NOT WITH ME makes me feel dizzy and helpless. The most empty feeling to be leaved behind. Suddenly, I want to die, leave everything behind, since I have nothing left, why would it be a problem.. But I cannot be so selfish, he still love me, I know, he is just mad all of the sudden because I was just too stupid that's all, I can't die, but it was just the real feeling inside me. Too much happening, and I can't lose him because he is my everything, I hope every second that he will understand and still love me no matter what because I am willing to do everything just for him to be happy. But he is not with me now, guess he doesnt know or care how hard I feel at this time. I want time to come back couple mins ago so I can awake myself and response to you. babe don't leave me..

So hard to breathe, so hard to feel my heart beats, everything is like in a spiral right now. It will be funny if I fall asleep tonight and will never wake up. Lol. But I don't think I can sleep until he is back to me on Aim or give me a call. I dont know. He will probably not cause who would forgive a stupid bum like me just for like a few minutes. I'm asking for to much right ong xa? It's 1:22 am. for the first time since the day we went out, I have to sit here by myself on weekend at this time. It feels... empty, lonely, every bad things come to my mind like there is no way to go anymore. I can't see anything but just want you to be back to me. I wish I will sit here and writing until I see the sun and i don't know. It will be a meaningfuless day tomorrow that I hope I will never have to live it. Without you, I don't mind dying, I have no strength to live a single minute without your love anyways.,, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Should I call you now? You probably sleeping and won't pick up a call from a stupid gf that always make you feel BLAAH.
Should I sleep? I should, But I CAN'T. Can't ever sleep when there's a heartache.
Should I drink medicine? No because there's none, and guess that is also cool.
Shall I keep living? Or shall I die? I will live, but inside is dying, so one day sooner or later, the death inside will pull the whole me into death. ~ I don't know what did I just think.

I DONT FREAKING KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO BE LIVING SINCE I HAVE NOTHING LEFT AT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Babe I love you! I need you! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU! Babeee pleasee don't leave me alone as you promised. Babee pleasee don't. Pleasee..

Ong xa, Im sorry );

Uhh I AM SO STUPID ! AHHHHH Whats wrong with meeee?!! what the heck is going on with me?? Why can't I just get ong xa's jokes and fool around with him too to make both happy? Why can't I done that all a long but always take stuff so seriously now it turned out that I'm sad make ong xa feels weird. eh everything I done are stupid, why can't I just happy with his jokes so then everything can be fine? Why do I have to be so typical? ahhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!! Soooo many questions on my head need answers ! Ong xaa I really love you, the more I love you the more I'm afraid that I'm going to loose you by den I would ended up dying. Ong xaa I really need you, that was why I take stuff seriously between our love. I really tried to be happy with the jokes because I know you love me and I know you were just playing. But I dont know why! I really Dont know why I feel so weird and sad and down and AHHHH ! After I made you feel down and weird, I feel stupid by all I had done. Ong xaa Im sorriee, I kept being afraid that by all those stupid thing I made would make you tired of me and wanna leave me! Ong xa please dont! I'm really scared, ong xaa if I dont have you in my life, all the dreams and all my goals of life are also gone if yer goneee. Without you, Im nothing ong xaa. Please dont ever leave me alone. Ong xaa I am sorrryy, I dont know what to tell you, because I have a lot on me right now, I just want to make you happy, but I dont know why I really dont want to be sad when you siad yer jokes, but my body just turned down. AHHHH I CANT EVEN CONTROL MY OWN SELF. like WHAT THE HECK?! I really wanna scream, I really want you to understand. So many times I told myself to think before do or say something, but when things come, my stupidity of me arose again. I can't help it ong xa ); . Maybe I'm so immature or something that can't think or do anything right. But the thing that I know that would never be wrong, EVER, is my heart needs you to keep its beats, without you, it would stop beating. I'm serious about that, I really am.
Ong xa oii, I dont know what to tell you, I just want you to understand because I dont know how to explain, I feel really weird right now! Its like I want you to know that I love you and I really am sorry for being sad and down, but if I say that, it's going to bother you and you willl be more down and have long breaths and everything. So I don't wanna put more on you, now I'm sitting here, with the hope that we are going to be happy again, and will never have those kind of sad moments anymore. I just don't know what to do to solve this, I'm so useless ong xaa. );

Ong xa oii, I really am sad when we had a lot of bad moments around this time, I don't know what to do but keep praying everyday for you to be happy till forever, for you to trust me at all time because I would never lie to you. I prayed for our love would last forever. It's not that I just only pray, but I also tried and will trying hard until FOREVER. Ong xa believe me, after today, I will try even harder, try my best to destroy all the bad moments between us. there will be only happiness. I know I said this a lot of time already and I still can't do it, but at least I tried hard, and I will always trying hard, I believe one day I will accomplish it to bring your happiness to you. Ong xa, Im sowwiee, I really can't concentrate to study right now. Because the feeling that I want to tell you something but then I don't know how to say it and afraid its going to make you feel weirder. I have done enough stupid things, I just want you to be happy, ong xa I'm sorry. T-T

I love you ong xaa, I will try my best to bring you happinessss. Ong xa believe me, I really am going to no mater how much it costs. I just wanna lay on your arms right now, I wanna feel the warmness from you ong xa, I feel so cold at this place. Ong xa, I wanna be withyou at all time. Please, don't ever let go of me. Ong xa, I love you a lot, with all my heart, always and forever.
Em yeu anh <3 Sorry for all I did babe, I will be a better me, so don't be sad or weird no more. I will bring you happiness <3

-11:28 AM-

I'm stupid.

Okay, whats going on with me? Why do I soooo mooddy and mad and stupid and dump and EVERYTHING ! LIKE WAH HAPPENED TO ME?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like exploding ! Ong xaa, that was the dumpiest thing I've ever did to you in my life, I didnt mean to talk to a guy on AIM, we really did not say anything beside normally talking to each other as a unclose friend. Ong xa, I know how it feels like, Im too selfish, Im sad when yu talk to girls and now I talk to guy, Im such a stupid person, I know acts like yu dont care, but it bothers you, I know ong xa. It means yu love me most, it shows that yu only loves me and only me, that makes yu jealous, I totally understand that, ong xa I love you, I really do, Ong xa i dont know what to do now, the more yur acting like you dont care, the more stupid I feel. Ong xa, I know you don't want to control me or anything, but it makes me happy when Thui cares about what I do, every single thing, I dont care if its too controlling or not, everything and anything for you, I dont mind, I never did. I dont know why I cant let it over with, I felt so bad and until now I feel so uncomfortable, why did I talk to a guy? It's stupid enough for me to think not to tell you at first, but I told you, because I love you and I don't wanna hide from you anything, as I pinky promised. Ong xa, Ong xa oi.. what can I do, I really don't know what to do to make yu feel better, stop telling me that its fine, its w/e, its 0oo weelll, since they are the most nonsense thing I've ever heard, Dont lie to yourself anymore ong xa, please don't. Let acts like what you think, I thought we were one, so don't ignore me or lying to yourself and me, I rather let yu stay mad at me and eveyrthing, rather than keep saying that your okay while you're not. That just hurts me a lot babe. I wished I can get some punishments from you, I deserves any kinds of punishment. This is totally not a small deal to me, NOT AT ALL. Last night was sooo horrible, I feel like I'm dying or something, all the stress came to me, asthma came, hotness came, too much thinking, too worrying, too sad, too shame, too stupid. I felt worse than that. And I dont know why, our love just toooooo precious that no one can touch it or anything, and now Im the one who hurts it, Im sorry ong xa, i dont know how many sorries can fit in here, Im just really sowwieee, It wont happen again, never ever again, because I dont need anything else but you. Ong xa oii, I cant describe my feeling at this time, it's just too horrible, what can I do to fix all this. What can I really do ong xa?
My eyes are buring, the bruise was hurt, but its nothing compares with the pain in my heart, I tried to hold back these tears so you won't get worry, I tried to smile to make things better, but why I am so bad at this, ong xa, I feel so bad, I feel so sick of my stupidity, Ill be a better me ong xa, I dont want anything to bother you, I cant explain to you anymore, cause it seems like the more I explain, the more you feel bothered. But I really want to prove that my heart has only you, I didnt mean to hurt you and our love, I really didn't mean to. Ong xa, please don't say "I dont really care" , or "you can do w/e its you and yu can decide", that sounds so bad to me, why so ong xa?? We are one, we exchanged our hearts, so why can't you decide for me? Why do I have to do w/e. You think its bad to control me? This is why Im different, I dont care, anything and everything for you, anythiing. I wanna say more, more, more more. Because my feeling is like a river and it wants a little gap to flow away so all those things and stresses can flow away too. But theres no gap at this time, I still feel horrible by doing it. Ong xa, I cant describe how much I love you, I really can't describe my love for you, it's too precious and special, you are my truelove, you took my heart away and you cant return it. you CANT ever return it to me cause I want your heart and I'm not giving it away and Im not giving it back to you either, NEVER. Without your heart, Im dead. Ong xa, I love you, I love you I love you. What else can i say, Im too helpless, I cant solve anything, ong xa, i dont know what else to do, but hoping that one day you'll see that I really mean it, true love never has an ending, and this is our true love, I'm not afraid that you will never understand me. I believe you will, because we were one, nothing can separate us, I believe you will know how I feel at this time and Please ong xa, feel better, it wont happen agen or anything other bad things, It wont happen, ever. Never, agen.


I love you babe, Idk why I felt dead, its stupid i know lols :] but I wont die, I wont, I love you ong xaa, yer keeping me alive, life is too stressful, you're the only reason that's keeping me alive <333 My head hurts, my eye hurts, my nose hurts, my body hurts, asthma came, all of these are nothing compares with my heart, it hurts because I've done this to you. Im sorry ong xaaa.. I really am sorry, I believe my heart will be fine again when things are clear, I know we can get over this, because I wont let anything ruins our love. you're the only one in my heart, I love you ong xa. I love you <3333

-8:13PM