Shoot me.

Seriously, Just. Shoot me. Right now. I have too much things to worry about and I am in the growing up age, I'm always getting out of control makes everyone around me sad and all that stuff. Why don't I just DIE already so then people can happy!!!! SO MUCH STRESS!! AP SCHOOL STUFF! SUMMER READING! STUFF! STUFF! STUFF! RELATIONSHIP! LIKE OH MY GOD I AM ABOUT TO HAVE MY ASTHMA ACTS UP LIKE RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT!!!!! uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!


Seriously, I don't know anything at all how to express my feeling to others. I care about him, but why can't I show it in a right way? What should I do now? I just want him to keep on track on his summer stuff. It is really important! I don't know if he sees the importance of it just yet, but he will see. He always sees it at the last minutes. Now what can I do. I just want him not to get so stress when it's time. I just want him to have easier time to deal with stuff by making him get on track of stuff. If he does not care, I just... don't know what to do anymore. In AP, things go fast, you can't slack off in one single second. I don't know what to do, things around spins around. Now I can't even do my own summer stuff. It's just... I am all surrounded by confuusion. I am really confused. Like really...


Woah. I changed fast. I am not the girl that he used to love anymore. Instead of making him happy, I put too much pressure on him. Instead of telling him to relax and have fun, I keep making him do school works. Instead of laughing with his jokes, I was seriously make him do the right thing. LIKE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?! I AM ABOUT TO EXPLODEEEE!!! I DON'T WANT THE NEW MEE!!!! I DO NOT WANT THE NEW ME AT ALL!!!

I used to denied the best opportunity of my life just for him... I did not go to the Upper bound, because I don't want to ruin our relationship.
I did not get a job even though there is one perfectly standing there and wait for me, just because I want to spend time with him.
I did not go and have fun with my family, just because I don't want him to be alone on webcam. I wanted to see him.
I did not talk and go out with my friends anymore. Because I wanted to talk and go out with him.
I did not go to Vietnam this year... even though I really wanted to.. Just because I want to be with him, beside him, support him no matter what, I need him. And I hope he will be needing me like I do... I love youu...

Those are nothing to me, I don't think it's even enough to sacrifice for love. I am always worrying about him. Now that we both got to AP classes. I want the best for both of us. But it seems like he does not want to do the work that much, now it is only summer, works are not that much yet, and he is already get lazy and mad when I tell him to work. What about the future? What am I going to do? My heart is dead every time I made him mad. There were never be this much confusion around me in my whole life. I really totally lost. I don't know what to do anymore...

Or maybe I do... a horrible thought.... but.. I might do it just for our love...

If he can't take it, I will drop out AP classes. I don't want the new me anymore. I want the old me, the one that he has always been loving. I want to have great time with him, not these stupid stress pressure moment. I want our laughs, our love, our real happy time together without getting mad at each other back. I can give up the challenge that I had always wanted to take, AP classes, for our love. I don't need challenges anymore. (Who needs challenges? WHy am I stupid enough to like getting challenges and all?)... (: It is okay, right? SMILE DON'T BE SAD YOU SILLY PANDA (: , he is the only one that is important. I can give up anything... just for him to be happy.

Woaw. right here, right now. I don't know what am I thinking anymore... I don't know anything anymore... People said I will have hard time in life in the future. Now I am already facing it... I can't stand strong anymore... I feel so weak... I don't know what to do...

Babee, I don't know how to let you know that you are the only one that I love, I don't know how to let you really understand it.. Babee I love you...





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!!!!!!!!!!!

My life is wonderful as the way it should be again (:

Lovely! Everything is just lovely! It is just like old times, babe and I finally understand how important are each individual to each other. I am so happy because I feel like I love him more than yesterday, but not enough for tomorrow (: Babe, you really made it. We finally get over those problems and now we are just great. I love you ong xaa. I feel so much younger since I don't have to worry about our weird problems anymore. I love you, just so much :3

Yesterday, I felt like I am actually your only wife since I put the rice and food for you into the lunch box so you can go home and eat it I don't want you to get hungry because I know you are my little lazy butt x). I just can't stop smiling. My life is so happy and awesome and wonderful and AMAZING to have you being with me. It is just the best thing happen to me in the world. EVER.

I can't wait to the future. By saying the "future", I also mean the next second, minutes, hours, years, centuries. I am going to love you more and more and moree until my heart has to explode by filled with love but it will never be exploded apart. Since my heart is to huge and I will never stop loving you.

LALALLALALLAA I am just so happy. It is so hot in the room right now (uhh kind of out of topic but ooh well xD)

JUST GET A NEW NEWS!! I MIGHT GET A JOB IN THE SUMMER TUTORING MY SISTER'S BOSS'S KID!! (: WOOOOT WOOOOOTT!! It is getting better and betterr!!

I LOVE YOU BABEE!! I LOVE MY LIFEEEEEEEEEEEE!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTT (:

Eh.

stuff happens.