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It is funny how I just want to die so bad even though I do not want to. It is just the worst feeling ever that everything is unexplained and even though it did, things still turn bad. Everything is against me now. I know I did wrong, but I know it and I'm trying to fix it with the best, so why I am still have this feeling and face with my punishments without anyone knowing that I'm tryna fix it. I know what I did was horrible, I know I know. I know I was too stupid and stupid. But I don't know, I feel like I have nothing left at this time, nothing. So what is the need for me to be living? What should I do to make him understand, it is just a little but of mistake that I did again without knowing because I was just too sleepy and couldn't answer you. Babe I swear I did not mean to, I swear. But it is helpless now, no one is here to listen to my explanation. It is even harder than what I thought it was to face everything by myself without you. It is so hard. I dont know, only the fact that YOU ARE NOT WITH ME makes me feel dizzy and helpless. The most empty feeling to be leaved behind. Suddenly, I want to die, leave everything behind, since I have nothing left, why would it be a problem.. But I cannot be so selfish, he still love me, I know, he is just mad all of the sudden because I was just too stupid that's all, I can't die, but it was just the real feeling inside me. Too much happening, and I can't lose him because he is my everything, I hope every second that he will understand and still love me no matter what because I am willing to do everything just for him to be happy. But he is not with me now, guess he doesnt know or care how hard I feel at this time. I want time to come back couple mins ago so I can awake myself and response to you. babe don't leave me..

So hard to breathe, so hard to feel my heart beats, everything is like in a spiral right now. It will be funny if I fall asleep tonight and will never wake up. Lol. But I don't think I can sleep until he is back to me on Aim or give me a call. I dont know. He will probably not cause who would forgive a stupid bum like me just for like a few minutes. I'm asking for to much right ong xa? It's 1:22 am. for the first time since the day we went out, I have to sit here by myself on weekend at this time. It feels... empty, lonely, every bad things come to my mind like there is no way to go anymore. I can't see anything but just want you to be back to me. I wish I will sit here and writing until I see the sun and i don't know. It will be a meaningfuless day tomorrow that I hope I will never have to live it. Without you, I don't mind dying, I have no strength to live a single minute without your love anyways.,, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Should I call you now? You probably sleeping and won't pick up a call from a stupid gf that always make you feel BLAAH.
Should I sleep? I should, But I CAN'T. Can't ever sleep when there's a heartache.
Should I drink medicine? No because there's none, and guess that is also cool.
Shall I keep living? Or shall I die? I will live, but inside is dying, so one day sooner or later, the death inside will pull the whole me into death. ~ I don't know what did I just think.

I DONT FREAKING KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO BE LIVING SINCE I HAVE NOTHING LEFT AT THIS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Babe I love you! I need you! I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU! Babeee pleasee don't leave me alone as you promised. Babee pleasee don't. Pleasee..