Never stop trying (:

Time pass by so fast. It is almost our 11 months together and I cannot describe how greatful I am at this moment. I'm just so happy to have him in my life. Thinking back the day I just met you and loving you secretly, it was also a happy time just to see you smile everyday and keep hoping that I can be the lucky girl that you are going to notice. And my wish came true. Its like the first time my dream actually comes true. It comes exactly how it happened in my dream. I am just so happy...
I love you, I love you more everyday. Tomorrow, I will be loving you more than yesterday. It is never stop and the reason is I cannot live without you. But it is true that there is no reason at all once you loving someone more than your own life. It is like your destiny, that someone was send to your life and make a big impact on everything.
Yes, my life has changed once I met him, I understand what is the real happiness. I know it is not going to make my parents happy, but I had been living and growing up for them, I had been doing whatever they told me to do just to make them happy and just to not disappointed them. Everything single thing, I had been a good girl in everyone's eyes and all the people look at me and said that I am a happy little princess. No one knows how I was feeling inside. It is funny how I was so much better of faking that I am fully a happy person when i was little. Maybe because for now, I understand more of what is happening in my life. I started getting some knowledge of finding something that has been missing in my life. It is my own happiness. Yes, I have everything in this house, in this family, I am a much luckier kid than others in the whole world. I am very lucky, I admit that. But, that doesn't mean that I have to stop myself from looking for the missing piece of my life. Everyone has feeling, so why does people trying to stop me from loving the one that is important to me the most? I cannot stop it, I was born like everyone else, they all are growing up, they have different feelings and different purpose and perspectives in their own lives. Me too, I have my own ways to look at lives and I KNOW how to live it. I really wish everyone in the family would understand for me. It is just, I want my own happiness, I cannot living without my heart... Someone there is so much pressure in this family. Because I know they will never understand. I really did not know what to do. But I will have to stand strong and be happy with what I have. Since I did never give up and I will never give it up. It is my happiness, I have to keep it and to make it perfect. Half of it is on my hand and I will never let it go. Half of it is on his hand, and hope he does not let it go either. I believe in us. I love you.
It is almost 11 months. there are so many things that we had been through, good and bad, happy and sad, all that mixed feelings. I'd never think to let it go once, even though I was really afraid that you are going to leave me alone. It is tough for me to handle many things from the family side and all their rumors and stupid conversation from people that has nothing to do with us. I was always trying to do the best to make you happy. It is killing me something you are sad, mad or feeling weird because of some stupid things I did, because it feels like all the hard work I did to make you happy are canceled. I really feel bad and dont know what to do when you feel weird. Babe I love you a lot. I also a clumpsie and lousy person that easy to make a lot of mistakes, Im trying to fix it, but babe please be patient and give me time to be a better person, don't be mad or feeling weird a lot anymore. I really want us to have happy time together. I have dream up and thinking and planning our future, It is so perfect and I will not let anything or anyone popping that dream. Babe I know we both trying to make it happen, I know, that is why I love you. We both had been trying a lot to give each other the best time. I love you ong xaa oii. Sometime Im really sad because you are sad or mad or feeling weird. Sometime I did not even know what to do.. But just think about you, about our love, about what we had been though together, about our plans, our futures, I suddenly not letting myself down but continue on the work of making you happy! Because that is the only thing that makes me happy. Now I am growing up, I also need to responsible for my family part and not keeping up our love until the end of the world! It's tough! But I can do it! We both can do it! I am a bit weird around these time because I get too emotional and take things more serious like you do. I am sorry that bothers you babee, I will fix it, I know it is easy to say, but as long as I try the best, sooner or later I can do it! Ong xa please don't be mad no more if you reading this. I really love you, I really do. You are just my everything, babe both of us are trying to protect our love, so let's keep trying. We can do it together. You know that I love you, I really do... It is just a fact of my life, without you, my life also be destroyed..

Apr 20 2010 ~ 11:02 PM